GRANDMA'S PEARLS OF WISDOM
Me and my 87- year old grandma went to have coffee and cake the other day. With her you don't have to wait long for the pearls of wisdom to come out.
"You're too young to have a baby. Yuuuuuk!"
"Grandma, noone's pregnant. I'm not having a baby. I'm just moving in with my boyfriend!"
"Yeah yeah. You say that now. Before you know it there'll be babypoop all over your walls."
"Seriously, you know that the baby thing won't happen before I'm at least 30."
"Fine. Just remember how much they poop."
"I know grandma."
Silence.
"So, have you got tested for chlamydia?"
"What?"
"Chlamydia. I read about it in the paper." *Takes out article and hands over* "Make sure you take Emma and Olle with you as well! Call your friends too! Apparently everyone has it!"
"Grandma we're all fine. We have a mum who teaches sex education, we know how to avoid chlamydia."
"Right. Good. Just make sure it doesn't hurt when you pee."
"Grandma seriously!"
"Well sorry for keeping up with what's going on in the world!"
Summary of Grandma advice: look out for baby poop flying through the air and get regular chlamydia tests.
"You're too young to have a baby. Yuuuuuk!"
"Grandma, noone's pregnant. I'm not having a baby. I'm just moving in with my boyfriend!"
"Yeah yeah. You say that now. Before you know it there'll be babypoop all over your walls."
"Seriously, you know that the baby thing won't happen before I'm at least 30."
"Fine. Just remember how much they poop."
"I know grandma."
Silence.
"So, have you got tested for chlamydia?"
"What?"
"Chlamydia. I read about it in the paper." *Takes out article and hands over* "Make sure you take Emma and Olle with you as well! Call your friends too! Apparently everyone has it!"
"Grandma we're all fine. We have a mum who teaches sex education, we know how to avoid chlamydia."
"Right. Good. Just make sure it doesn't hurt when you pee."
"Grandma seriously!"
"Well sorry for keeping up with what's going on in the world!"
Summary of Grandma advice: look out for baby poop flying through the air and get regular chlamydia tests.
I found this dress in Emma's wardrobe after she'd left for the US. So I "borrowed" it. Finally I'm here later than her and can "borrow" her stuff rather than the other way round.... (Like when Emma sends pictures of her in the US wearing my clothes, pretending that they were always hers.) Payback's a bitch E!
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