missfrifri

Me and Alex have arrived to Chicago! We're staying with friends of the McCutcheon family, and they're some of the nicest people I've ever met. After enjoying an American breakfast accompanied with honey walnut tea and cherry butter we're ready to take on the City: on today's agenda is architecture. Or at least that's what Alex thinks. I wanna look up Victoria's Secret since it should be massive here...!

I'd also like to say thanks to Debs for getting in touch so quickly and advising me on buying the vanilla- coconut scent rather than the vanilla scent from VS. And Gillian- thanks for trying to convince Alex that he should buy the Michael Kors handbag for me! (Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be working...)

I have a phobia for wearing jeans. (Since they're so tight they're very, eum, unforgiving.) In the past weeks I've decided that it might be convenient to have a pair that I like. I see that other people wear them quite often and that if you're out of outfit ideas they can be pretty convenient. Plus they can look really good on other people!

The last pair of jeans that I really liked I bought about 3,5 years ago at Urban Outfitters. So I went there and asked what size they thought I might be. They said I looked like a size 28.
"Absolutely not. I'd say maybe a 32?"
"I really don't think so."
Triumphant I grab 8 different jeans in size 32. I'll show them that I'm a lot bigger than they think.

Ok. So maybe these are a little too loose. But that's probably just because they're so stretchy.
"Miss, would you like me to get you the 28 now?"
I shh at the girl in the fitting room and whisper "you see, I can't really wear jeans."
"Why?"
"I'm really wide over my hips. That's where most of my fat is. Look!" *Grabs fat*
"Mhm..?"
"So it's probably better if you get me, say, a size 31?"
"But Miss...."
"Go go!"

After three different fitting sessions three days in a row both me and the Urban Outfitters girl give up. It really is just as I thought. My body's unsuitable for jeans.

Back in Grand Rapids me and Alex happen to walk past a shop where all jeans are 50% off. Doesn't hurt to take a look.
"You should try some!"
"I can't wear jeans, I'm too big."
Alex looks confused. "But the skirts you wear are always really tight...?"
*Whisper* "Yeah but they're stretchy so they don't show all the fat!!"
"Eh.. ok."

After grabbing x number of jeans that are about 4 sizes bigger than the shop assistant suggests, Alex makes me try on the suggested smaller size.
"See! You CAN wear jeans."
"Don't I look like one of those big people that pretends that they're skinny? My butt looks like a rectangle! Do I look shorter than usual? Now my butt kind of looks wide. Can I really go outside like this?"
As I see the confusion and exhaustion in my man's eyes I realise that I've sinned. Not only am I dragging him through an endless fitting session, but I'm also doing something I promised I'd never do. I've said "Do these jeans make me look fat?"

So, since I decide that my boyfriend would have no reason to lie (why would he instruct me to buy the jeans if they make my butt look like a rectangle? That's not exactly to his advantage! Plus he grabbed it on one occassion when i walked into the fitting rooms and that must mean that it looks perky...) I decide to buy the jeans. Three pairs in different colours.

And that's how I beat my jeans phobia. Say hello to my new friends: Lola the Jegging (yes I know using "Jeggings" is kind of cheating since they're almost like tights, but just ONE of the pairs is a jegging!), Bayla Skinny Light Blue and Bayla Skinny Dark Blue. Oh and in the end I compromised with a size 29.

I'm really taking the opportunity to enjoy the American Culture when I'm here. Which basically means that I'm eating like a pig, and alternating that by going to the hotel's gym and hitting the crosstrainer in panic, only to get out to try another cupcake. Or doughnut. Or pizza. A new favourite is Panda Express' fried prawns. That are covered with a honey and walnut sauce. Those devil prawns are going straight to my hips.



Luckily I can live in ignorant bliss since American dress sizes are bigger than European ones (for obvious reasons). Although Alex said it doesn't count if you wear S or XS in a big floaty cardigan since "you could fit a small elephant in there anyway."

This is btw the most shocking pizza I've ever had:
Right. I thought I had a picture of the pizza but I don't. Fail. So, imagine a 16- inch pizza ENTIRELY covered with cheese in two layers. And then you DOUBLE that. That's what it was. You'd think that is an actual four cheese pizza or something. But no. It's a pepperoni pizza. (Supposedly the pepperoni is somewhere under all those layers of cheese....) And to make things better, you get some parmesan cheese with it that you can, eh, sprinkle over the cheese. Which naturally makes a lot of sense....

This is from a more civilised lunch yesterday at a Thai restaurant. (In comparison to much else, this is super healthy!) I'm glad there's only a couple of weeks left, you can easily get pulled into this, eum, culture. The culture of fattiness.

Since I've gone into some kind of shopping frenzy while I'm here (made worse since I have, errm, limited funds, meaning that I can spend hours deciding what to buy and prioritise) I'm torturing Alex by talking about what bra styles I should get from VS, what skintype I really am (oily, combination, combination- dry, combination- oily?), cashmere prices, why italian merino wool is better than other wool..... And, naturally, by my talk about handbags. The other day I tried to convince Alex (and myself) that it'd make complete sense to buy the Michael Kors Hamilton bag for 345 dollars. Since if you split it out on cost per wear, it's really not that expensive (I'd use it every day!) and I've wanted it for like a year. Plus, it's like 100 pounds cheaper in the US compared to the UK. Alex took it all in before saying...

"Well, it's cheap if you HAVE 345 dollars...."
"I have 345 dollars!"
"Yes, but you're gonna want to buy other things too and THEN 345 dollars won't be so cheap anymore."
"Well now you're just negative! Why do you ALWAYS have to have such a boring attitude?"



After finding a Bumble and Bumble schampoo that smells like coconut, making Alex smell it, waving my hands in excitement and shouting "my hair can smell like coconut for just 27 dollars!" and him not getting what the big deal was I simply said, "Alex, sometimes I wish you were more like Deborah." Alex said maybe I should call her and tell her everything about the coconut scents. And while I was at it, ask her whether she thought the coconut & vanilla scent or the pure vanilla scent spray from Victoria's Secret was the best one. Apparently this was kind of out of his league. (Debs, Dags and Sissel: if you read this, prepare yourself for getting e- mails asking for advice very soon!) A pro with shopping with my girlfriends is that, as opposed to Alex, my girls have a very, eum, positive attitude when it comes to convincing you of what you need. ("Need" is after all such a relative concept.)

By the way, when I asked Alex about his skin type he said that his skin is so good that he doesn't need a daycream. Now, how annoying is that???

I felt that I might have come to a point where I'd seen most ways of men. (Obviously not, when I'm 40 I'm gonna laugh at my 23 year old self. But still.) Apparently I hadn't. The ways that men attempt to impress never get boring.

When I was out with my sister someone called... well let's call him Sam (not his real name) came up to me and Emma. He grabs Emma's drink (a Margarita in a massive Martini glass), puts on a seductive look and voice, and says to me "now I'll show you what my mouth is capable of." Right, this could be interesting.

Sam seductively leans his face over the drink. Then he starts drinking it like a dog drinks water from a bowl. (Clarification: he's literally behaving like a dog that's just come in from a long walk.) My jaw drops as I stare at the spectacle that never seems to end.

After a while of this visual torture (me thinking of germs, why he looks so much like a dog, is Emma gonna drink her Margarita now with all the bacteria in? That's disgusting!) I realise that Sam is indeed trying to imitate his... eumm... bedroom style. When he looks up at me with a proud look, all I can say is in shock that "wow... do you know that you just looked like a dog?" Sam looks even more proud. "Yeah, because I'm a diiirrrty dooog." I start laughing, waiting for him to laugh himself and say 'heeey, you totally bought it! You really thought I wasn't doing that dog thing on purpose?!' Instead he looks totally happy with himself. He's like, weei, I totally nailed it. Realising that he's gonna keep making it worse, eventually I can't help but saying "well Sam, margaritas don't have olives but if they did you sure as hell wouldn't have found it." Sam didn't understand what I meant, naturally.

Right, so you gals and guys that are more out and about than I've been in the past months- is this dog- drinking thing a one- time thing or is it some kind of new trend? The most mysterious things have the capacity to become trends, like the "guy comes up and licks your face to get your attention"- trend. Also that trend has a strong resemblance to dogs.

The most curious thing is when I see gals validating the dog- behaviour. (I noticed that the drink like a dog- trick in fact got him a girl later on in the evening.) What you see is what you get- if you date a dog you get a dog. Don't we have a certain responsibility as women to demand more to get more? Otherwise we justify the dog- behaviour. Hmm. Just a thought. On a positive note, seeing another guy drink like a dog makes you appreciate your own boyfriend so much more. (Thank you Alex!)

Oh- and a tip for the single boys and girls out there. A simple "Wow, you're gorgeous. Can I buy you a drink? Tell me about yourself!" is often a very effective and unfortunately underestimated tactic.

... you've had beer from a keg. (Yes! I drank BEER! From a KEG! And I actually quite liked it.)
... you get called "the European". And the person who calls you "the European" thinks that Europe is a country where everyone speaks one language- "European."
... your haircolour is considered "exotic."
... you've watched an American Football college game. (Where you're offered beer from a beer keg.)

... your sister's friend's car is as big as an actual truck.
... the police stops you when you're carrying a bag of alcohol to check your I.D to make sure that you're 21. And they're angry with you before they've even seen it.
... you can get a manicure AND pedicure for $35.
... you realise that in the US most people still seem to think that most Swedish people are pornstars.
... you order a burrito. You take the leftovers home and it's enough for FOUR meals.
... people think that I, of all people, have a BRITISH accent. And absolutely no twang at all. And they ask if I can teach them the British accent.
... numerous people try to convince you that Obama is in fact an evil communist.
... there's plenty of advertising for different guns. Often emphasising how easy it is to get one, and with relaxing and happy music in the background.
... people ask you why you're not wearing flipflops when you're at the club. Since it's so much more comfortable.
... you consider buying a baseball cap since it seems "so convenient" to just put on when you leave your house. (Until Emma stares at you in horror and tell you off...)

... You're told by a dietist that coke isn't bad for you. Although you might have had too much if you get a stomackache.